Separate beds, please.
The husband and I arrived recently at a hotel for a quick getaway. We got to our hotel room, and he sighed, confessing that he regrettably forgot to ask for a king bed; this room had two queen beds. I shrugged and replied, “Eh, so what? No biggie.” Truth be told, his regret was a bit perfunctory. We’re married–we sleep in the same bed. All the time. It’s nice to make use of the two beds and sleep separately every now and then.
My mother-in-law finds it hilarious that when we visit her in Canada, my husband sleeps in his old bedroom, and I sleep in his brother’s old bedroom. I like my brother-in-law’s old room better; it’s where I slept during my visits while my husband and I were dating and while we were engaged–we weren’t married yet, so sleeping in the same bed would have elicited inescapable disapproval from the in-laws. Well, I got used to “my room” over the years and it’s the only place I’ll sleep when I go on my twice-a-year visits to the Great White North. My husband hates his brother’s old room. “I hate Cris’s mattress,” he often tells me. “It hurts my back. I’m gonna sleep in my room.” I chuckle and respond, “It’s fine! You know I don’t mind. Why are we even discussing this?” See, in the beginning after we got married, we used to have that same song and dance when we visited as husband and wife: I was adamant about sleeping in my brother-in-law’s room, and my husband adamantly refused. We didn’t want to hurt each other’s feelings. Fortunately, we’re open with each other and agreed that sleeping separately sometimes doesn’t mean we have a doomed marriage or that we don’t like each other’s company. Rather, it means getting to stretch out completely once in a while. It means that he can watch TV until late while he falls asleep (I dislike TV in the bedroom), and I get to enjoy reading until very late in peaceful quiet (he dislikes silence).
So sleeping in two beds when two beds present themselves may be funny, but it’s not weird. It doesn’t mean we have poor communication, or a relationship rife with insecurity. We like to think of it as a rare opportunity to get the type of cryogenic sleep that we used to get as teenagers before we were saddled with life’s tough decisions and challenges. Separate beds? Yes, please. Every now and then.
People with significant others, do you ever sleep separately by choice?
**Photo credit: Two of absolutely everything except the cat and the wall at grandpa’s house in florida by boltron