It’s not a figment of the imagination—drivers really have gotten worse over the years. Of course, the sheer number of drivers on the road these days has drastically increased over the last half-century, so bad vehicular behavior is bound to rear its ugly head quite often.
But while bad driving exists everywhere, it’s reached special heights in South Florida. Down here, the extent of personal interpretation of traffic law knows no bounds. And not only do we have our own badass American drivers, we also happily host badass drivers from all over the hemisphere who bring their own sense of surprise and adventure to I-95 and our local roads every day.
I decided to hammer out my own little list that can help you identify…
Ten Traffic Occurrences That Let You Know You’re on a South Florida Road:
1 – The driver in front of you sees that bright yellow ‘Yield’ sign, but to him, it’s just a way to bring in a nice sunny shade of yellow to an otherwise bland gray and black street, so he ignores it.
2 – The driver next to you is drifting into your lane. You take a look into the car to see who would dare do such a thing and realize that she’s drifting into your lane because she’s texting.
3 – You’re in the left lane and need to move over into the right lane. So you turn on your Right signal. As soon as you do this, the driver behind you at the 5:00 angle speeds up to make sure it’s impossible for you to move over.
4 – The driver across from you at the 4-way stop slows down and drives through the stop sign at 25-30 miles per hour because those red signs are actually just a formality letting drivers know that they ought to slow down.
5 – You’ve got a migraine, but the driver next to you wants to help you take your mind off it. So he turns the volume way up on his subwoofer. He figures the bass will rattle your car enough to soothingly vibrate your body. Screw the melody, the rest of the instrumentation, the lyrics and the voice—you only like that song cuz of the bass anyway.
6 – Watch the lady on your left at the next intersection; she’s worried about taking her turn too sharply, so before she turns left, she’s going to swing out to the right. Yes, right into your lane.
7 – You’re on a major road, and there’s a driver in front of you who’s going to be making a right turn. She’s going to decelerate to roughly, oh, zero miles per hour first, hence making a full stop on this busy street. If you pass her by on the left and turn towards her, you’ll see that she’s just one of our many 108-year-old Floridians who still manage to get their drivers licenses renewed every year!
8 – Move over to the right to avoid driving over that dead rooster in the middle of the road. This is very, very, very much a South Florida/Caribbean thing. Google, and you’ll understand.
9 – You’re trying to exit a parking lot, and there’s a beat-up two-door Honda Civic just next to you blocking your view. I know, I know—it’s totally annoying that you can’t see through the tinted-completely-black windows of that old car, but just think how exciting—it could be Johnny Depp or Lady Gaga right next to you! After all, only high profile celebrities tint their windows that dark!
10 – Yes, those two cars on the road in front of you are maneuvering rather erratically. Why, you ask? Butt out and give them their space—those drivers are old friends who haven’t seen each other in over a year, and they’re catching up on old times.
Got some more of your own to add to this list? Please feel free to comment below!