Concerning friendships…
Starting out on a little sidenote–there are some websites and blogs that I follow regularly—GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s site being one of them. GOOP.com gets an unfair share of harsh criticism in my opinion. Seriously, why all the hate? I enjoy the little entries on lifestyle, health and travel. It’s funny how so many people worship, *cough cough*, er, I mean “follow” celebrities and glorify their silly behavior, their alcohol-and-drug-infused crazy spells, and their extravagant spending. Then a celebrity decides to create a website with some pleasant articles that contain useful information like recipes, workout tips and advice, and this is the celebrity that gets bashed. Something’s wrong with this picture!
But I digress, lovely readers. I decided to bring up GOOP because I recently found what has become my favorite article ever about friendship. On Ms. Paltrow’s site, which also sends its articles in newsletter form to subscribers, there was a recent entry titled “Friendship Divorce.” The following question is at the top of the page:
“What do you do when you realize that although you may have years of history, and found real value in each other in times past, that you kind of don’t like a friend anymore? That, after time spent with this person, you feel drained, empty, belittled or insulted. My father always used to tell me that, ‘you can’t make new old friends.’ How do you distinguish if someone in your life makes you change for the better or if you are better off without them?”
What follows is an engaging series of enlightening responses from scholars, authors and psychologists sharing their thoughts on friendships and the way friendships change over time, how one can tell whether a friendship is worth saving, and how one goes about defining “true friends.”
I love love LOVE this article because it addresses one of the most relevant topics in our lives. This everyday miracle we call friendship—this strangely absurd art of coming into contact with one of the 7 billion people on the planet and sacredly keeping this contact over time and distance—often causes as much heartache and headache as it does joy.
I’ve always put a high value on amiability; I’ve spent a lifetime going out of my way to remain likable, even to people who didn’t like me. I used to put all kinds of effort into friendships long after they stopped being of any benefit, much less enjoyment.
A few years ago, a co-worker shared this quote with me: ‘People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’ The quote didn’t mean as much to me then as it does now. I used to feel a tremendous sense of guilt and loss whenever a friendship fizzled out or died. Now I understand that it’s no biggie, that it’s only natural. All living, breathing things have a life cycle. I now think of friendship as its own living and breathing organism—one that needs nourishment at times, one that is capable of having a long and healthful lifespan, and sometimes one that can become quite disease-ridden.
I used to keep dying friendships on lifesupport at all costs for as long as I could. Nobody likes a funeral. But where’s the quality of life in that? What’s the purpose of the friendship at that point? Let it go with its dignity in tact. Its death doesn’t render its life meaningless. That friendship was a part of your life for a reason; he or she brought you joy at one point. Be confident that you took from each other whatever it is you were meant to take from each other, and move on.
So that said, I vow to be the best friend that I can be. I’ll still be nice and amiable because I don’t know how to be any other way with my friends. If I ever sense weird red flags about any of my friendships, I’ll study the relationship inside and out with a critical, but loving eye. And I mean that with all my heart.
Yamie
March 12, 2010Pitit, I love your blog! This is such an insightful article– I really believe in that “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime” quote. It’s up to us to recognize which one– and not try to make a “season” friendship into a “lifetime” friendship if it means swimming upstream the whole time.
Love you!
sunnyglobaldiva
March 13, 2010Thanks for reading it Pitit! =) Lots of love!
Yamie
March 12, 2010Pitit, I love your blog! This is such an insightful article– I really believe in that “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime” quote. It’s up to us to recognize which one– and not try to make a “season” friendship into a “lifetime” friendship if it means swimming upstream the whole time.
Love you!
sunnyglobaldiva
March 13, 2010Thanks for reading it Pitit! =) Lots of love!
Ale
March 18, 2010Lise! What a beautiful article! Hey isn’t that girl in the right the black Dahlia? That poor girl, such a tragedy. Anyway I love the article, sometimes though, seasonal friends can come back if you have both become different people, I hope for that with all of my heart. I love you!
sunnyglobaldiva
March 18, 2010Thanks Ale! And I absolutely agree with you about seasonal friendships. I think the re-forging of an old friendship is one of the very best and most happy-tear-inducing things in the world.
Hmmm…I have to look into that about the picture with the Black Dahlia–you may be right!
Love you much! 🙂
Ale
March 18, 2010Lise! What a beautiful article! Hey isn’t that girl in the right the black Dahlia? That poor girl, such a tragedy. Anyway I love the article, sometimes though, seasonal friends can come back if you have both become different people, I hope for that with all of my heart. I love you!
sunnyglobaldiva
March 18, 2010Thanks Ale! And I absolutely agree with you about seasonal friendships. I think the re-forging of an old friendship is one of the very best and most happy-tear-inducing things in the world.
Hmmm…I have to look into that about the picture with the Black Dahlia–you may be right!
Love you much! 🙂
Elena
March 19, 2010I think if I recall correctly, the critics of Gwyneth’s blog were claiming that she wasn’t qualified to blog becuase she was just an actress.. Why should we listen to her? I think they were missing the point of a blog. Anybody can listen to her if they want to! It’s not like she’s out there giving medical advice.
Anyway, I’ve had this happen a number of times in my life. I have found though, that it is those “lifetime” friendships that really endure, despite whatever neglect we might put them through.
That being said, I consider myself very lucky to have found a select few “lifetime” friends, who despite whatever time and distance may come between us, I know they will always be a part of my life. Thank you for being one of those
Elena
March 19, 2010I think if I recall correctly, the critics of Gwyneth’s blog were claiming that she wasn’t qualified to blog becuase she was just an actress.. Why should we listen to her? I think they were missing the point of a blog. Anybody can listen to her if they want to! It’s not like she’s out there giving medical advice.
Anyway, I’ve had this happen a number of times in my life. I have found though, that it is those “lifetime” friendships that really endure, despite whatever neglect we might put them through.
That being said, I consider myself very lucky to have found a select few “lifetime” friends, who despite whatever time and distance may come between us, I know they will always be a part of my life. Thank you for being one of those